There’s been a ton of things going on in life lately. I can’t say everything going on, but suffice to say – it’s plenty.
I have issues with feeling overwhelmed. I have issues with not feeling good enough. I have issues with abandonment.
So, lately, I’ve had a good amount of testing on each of those issues.
However, none of the feelings I’ve felt (deeply) were based on facts. They were based on my interpretation of events around me, that I interpreted in a narrow and negative way.
But from what I can tell, my mind will do this for the rest of my life. There’s something about some psychological mechanisms developed early in childhood that will never go away.
I have to choose to not react on strong emotions. That’s really hard. That’s kinda like watching a car about to run you over, and choosing to believe the car isn’t real. In the moment, it feels very very real. Panic, Fear, Terror. They’re all there and highly motivating.
Regardless, I have to choose to not react. If I don’t react to those feelings, if I choose to *not* trust my gut, I won’t create additional problems for myself.
That is where the real solution lies.
I can’t change the past. I’ve made plenty of mistakes. People close to me made a few too. Those mistakes are the main source of the issues I have today. Time can soothe those issues. Not reacting to emotions ensures that I don’t create new ones.
I rely on (and greatly appreciate) my amazing girlfriend, friends, and family for being patient with me. I’m a character, but I’m trying to be normal 😉